Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
