i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
