Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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