Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
