Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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