it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
