Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you traded sex for a burrito?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
