Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
