just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
