i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
