I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
