i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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