He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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