I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
