Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
