Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
