well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
