So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
