ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
