When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
