and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
