dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
