I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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