i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
