I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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