Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
