who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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