Ambien. No doubt about it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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