take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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