I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
