At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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