just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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