Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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