did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
