If that was your dad, he is hot
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
