he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
