Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
