yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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