giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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