end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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