if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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