I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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