Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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