Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
