i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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