Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
