I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
