atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
