there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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