I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Vodka?
Forever.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
