It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
