my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
