So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
