Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Soap is not a condiment
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My dick has a subreddit
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
