I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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