There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
