Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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