Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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