Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
