Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
