You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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