My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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