Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
