i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
