Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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