somebody snuck up and got me drunk
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
