He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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