opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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