I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You pole danced in your parka.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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