My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
