Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
